would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
