So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
