you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
