guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
