My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
