u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
