It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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