I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
