bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
