I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I love having hate sex.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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