Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
