First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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