There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
