Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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