She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize