Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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