I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
