I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize