Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
