Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
