We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
