She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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