I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
