You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
