the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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