he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
