This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
