I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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