good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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