I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
