she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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