if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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