Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
