Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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