Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
