okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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