So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
