wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
