remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
