So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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