Jerry, you need to find god
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
