I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
