remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
