i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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