Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
