My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
