i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My Higher Power is John Stamos
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
