I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
