when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Sorry about my life...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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