It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Less talking, more tequila
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
