Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
