Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
