My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
