if you like me you must not know who I am
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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