your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
