honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just invented taco cereal.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
