Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
