jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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