we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
