Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
