i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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