I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
