If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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