Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize