i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
