JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
