I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
