Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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