Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
