i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We need to get me chipped asap
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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