Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
