Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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