mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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