I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I had to cum in my sink.
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